I spent last night reading the book Awareness by Anthony de Mello cover-to-cover and it provided an incredible change of perspective. My all-or-nothing thinking distorted for a few hours my understanding of the world, and I believed I simply needed to spend the rest of my life in meditation and denying myself pleasures in the world. As I continued to read and arrived at the end, he proceeded to discuss how life is nothing without good food, good people, good conversation. It’s an amazing book that induced a momentary spiritual experience, an understanding of my place in this world and a brief period of “okayness.”
I took from it the understanding that no one truly knows what God is (and that it’s impossible to know) and to spend my life consumed by questioning the meaning of life is to waste it. I’m grateful to my friend Andrea who suggested another book of his to me for it led me to the book I finished last night. My thoughts are still quite jumbled so I will reflect on what I read and return with a more cohesive report in a few weeks.
Instead, I want to use this post as an update on the goals I established just over a month ago. I want to consider the progress I’ve made and that which I’ve not done so well on, but rather than morbid reflection, I want to look at what I’ve done well. The self-deprecation that takes place in my head isn’t as loud as it was a few months ago but it still holds its place. If I continue to allow it a firm grip on my thoughts then I’ll be doing a disservice both to myself and those around me.
Now, without further digression, an update.
Make an active effort on this blog.
I’ve posted on average once a week since I wrote that post, but averages are not always realities. After starting a side-gig with freelance writing, I moved away from my personal projects and towards incessant working. I’m still trying to decide what exactly I’d like to do with this blog but not posting won’t help me to determine where I’m headed with it.
I think I try to make everything perfect, have a concrete purpose here when I really seem to be moving in the direction of periodic updates on what’s taking place in my life. I don’t know whether people are truly concerned with the happenings in my everyday, but I know that I’d like to have something to look back on a few years from now and see where I’ve come from.
I’ll continue towards the goal of one to two posts a week; I’ve got enough going on to fulfill that.
Half hour walks, four times a week.
I’ve ended up walking half an hour about once or twice a week. Kate and I take the dogs on multiple walks a day that add up to about 20 minutes a day, but one solid walk per day would be much healthier for me. Especially with Kate’s stomach issues that hospitalized her last week, walking is an important part in maintaining a healthy lifestyle for ourselves and I want to continue making more of an effort. Walking is an extremely enjoyable activity for me so I want to do it more often. I want to participate in some sort of activity that keeps my body moving so I will continue walking. While I may not head out for a half hour every day of the week, four times a week is still an achievable goal.
Start rock climbing.
I still haven’t done this but it’s still something I want to do! I need to do a better job of budgeting because my excuse so far has been “I don’t have the money to do it.” I do have the money to do it, I just put that money towards other things. If rock climbing is an activity I’d really like to do then I need to prioritize the funds to do it. I was supposed to go with a friend this Thursday but I’ve got a meeting to find out more about legally changing my name and gender through the courts. I’ve got to set a date to climb! This is also a goal that stays!
Learn to code.
While this seems like a fun thing to do, it’s just not something that is a priority in my life right now. There are other things I’d rather do with my time so I’m going to set this one to the side for now. Sorry, Learn C# in One Day and Learn it Well, I’ll read you at another point in my life!
Continue my transition.
This is something I’ve very much followed up on! I attended my first gender assessment session last Monday and was officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I have an additional assessment tomorrow where we’re going to establish a plan moving forward. I can break this large goal down into sub-goals, which include legally changing my name and gender, starting HRT, and setting a top surgery date. I’m working towards each of these by taking the little steps I have in front of me. It’s not as quick as I’d like, but I’m moving forward!
In addition to these goals, minus the dropped “learn to code”, I would like to add two more:
This is bringing back one I had a few months ago. After discussing it with the therapist, I’d like to lose 30 pounds before I go through with top surgery in order to get the best results that I can. I’ve stagnated at 172 for the past two months and stopped eating healthy after allowing stress to take over. My goal of losing weight ties back into walking four times a week and rock climbing, but I can also add eating healthy in. I read somewhere that, “You can’t outrun your fork!” Losing weight begins with diet, so if I continue my lazy diet I won’t move forward.
Wake up earlier.
I’ve read endless articles about successful people who start their days early and I’d like to be one of them. I make excuses because my workday starts at 7:00 AM, but if it’s something I really want to accomplish then I’ll find a way to do it. An ideal morning routine includes meditation practice, a walk, a few minutes of writing, something to eat, and a cup of coffee. Aligned with this is an additional goal to QUIT PRESSING THE SNOOZE BUTTON. I snooze away half an hour every morning that could be better used to work towards my goals!
So that’s six goals I now have to work towards in order to live a happier, healthier life. I’ll continue working towards them along with updates every month or so on how they’re going. Are you guys working towards any goals right now? Let me know!